Letter to Myself

Dear Me,

Let me be the first to say Happy Birthday! I know you don’t like celebrating your birthday loudly, only preferring to celebrate it in secret with only the handful of people who actually *know* when your birthday is and not by using Facebook, but I just thought that hey, maybe you’ll need this once that day arrives. Anyway.

I’m currently writing this on a certain day in December. I’m tired, sleepy, and itching to game. But before I start gaming myself to sleep, I honestly want to ask you something.

Are you happy?

Now, I don’t mean this as an insult or as a means to make you feel horrible, as you sometimes do to yourself, but seriously, myself. Are you happy with your life? Are you content with whatever it is that you are doing right now? Judging from the fact that it’s on a Sunday, I’m guessing you’re tweeting for your job or setting up the streaming (whose quality I hope has improved by now) in your church, probably people are greeting you left and right and it depends on your life decisions whether you reply or not…

Are you happy?

Right now, as you will probably remember, you were hitting a rough patch, in my case… I’m in it. A rough patch in school, in the house, in relationships… You will probably remember the smiles and the  frowns and all the emotions that I am currently going through. You remember them, most likely, as a fond or distant memory. As for me though, I’m experiencing them…

A lot has happened this 2014. Graduation, work, play, relationships… Most of this year was fun. There were sad times, tiring times. Moments you want to remember for all eternity and moments you want to forget. Moments that changed you for the better… And as much as I hate to admit it, the moments that may have made you a bit worse… Now I’m not pointing any fingers, but I remember them like it was yesterday. Seeing how this is the last month of the year too, I was hit with an uncertainty that led me to ask you that question.

Are you happy?

I myself, at the moment, do not know if I am. There are a lot of things going on with my life right now that, hopefully, has been resolved by the time you read this. There are a lot of things that are going on that, hopefully, you will be able to move on from. And there is a lot of incoming events in the new year that, hopefully, you will be able to get through with relative ease. And as I watch the days go by leading to the new year… I really want to know.

Are you happy?

Rather… I think I should change the question. Happiness is fleeting. You can be happy one moment, and pissed the next and in the same way, you can be so mad one moment, then be happy right after. I’ll instead ask another question that hopefully you also know the answer to, even if a little.


Are you content with your life, myself? I know it’s still to early, but I’m asking you still. Are you content with your life up to this point? Are you content with all that has happened? All that you’ve done? Are you content with the events of the past year? Content with the friendships, the love, the circumstances leading to various things happening. Are you content, my friend?

Are you content with the things that are going on around you? Are you content with the people you have surrounded yourself with? Are you content with your friends, your acquaintances or the people close to your heart? Are you content with your belongings, your progress in games, or your grades so far?




Because honestly, right now, as I am writing this…..

I don’t know if I am.

I don’t know if I am content with anything. The only part of my life I am sure I am content about is my faith in God and my family but other than that? I’m not so sure anymore.

I’m not pointing any fingers or naming any names, but in all honesty? I don’t know if I am content.

Something just feels missing. Something feels mismatched right now. Something feels so… I don’t know…

I don’t know if I am content.

So I can only pray you are.

Here’s my tips for you, my friend.

Be happy with what you have. Don’t go looking for a better game or a better book when you yourself still have a backlog of games and books. Same goes for clothes, food, girls, etc. Don’t go looking for more than you can handle.

Be prepared for anything. It’s another twelve months of fun and hardships. That’s one of the perks of having your birthday on this month, I guess. You get to start off the year with your birthday, and I don’t know why, but it gives me this sort of excitement for what the year is preparing for me.

Always, always, *always* be at your best every single day this year because honestly? Every day could be your last on this world. I know where you’re going, but wouldn’t it suck if something bad while you still had something you wanted to do? Don’t hesitate, just do it, whatever the heck that is.

And finally… Talk to the people that you know will listen to you. That would be God, your family, and your friends. If you somehow have an AI who is capable of passing the Turing test when you read this, then talk to him too. It helps a lot to let things out and not bottle them up. Trust me, I know how that feels.

I pray and hope that when you read this, you will be as content as life allows you to be. I pray and hope that at that point of your life, you will find the contentment and the happiness that was meant for you for that year.

Looking forward to hearing what you think of this letter when you read it!

With all the joy and love in the world,


P.S. Remember to write another one for next, next year and remember this: Finish all your games before buying new ones. Seriously, your backlog is so big already.

Holiday Grind (Extended Ending)

//If you haven’t read Holiday Grind yet, please read that first at https://justanothergenericurl.wordpress.com/2014/12/24/holiday-grind/ as this is an extended ending that I cut off because I didn’t feel quite right with it. I couldn’t bring myself to delete it though, so here’s the middle ground. Please enjoy.


Signy: Finally! Good to be back to this game! It sucks so much not having internet over at my grandparent’s place.
Malcen: Welcome back. Good Christmas?
Signy: Very good. Got nice gifts and all that. What about you?
Malcen: Same old Christmas. Spent it here online.
Signy: That’s so saaad… I’m just kidding. Still bummed out about that rare item though…
Malcen: I know right.
Signy: Yeah… Next year then. Saaay, you put on quite a few levels since I left. Have you been grinding?
Malcen: Merry Christmas Signy.
Signy: Merry Christmas to you to, Malcen, but why the sudden greeting.
Malcen: Because I have a gift.
Signy: What do you mean, a gift? No, you can’t be serious.
[You have requested to trade with Signy]
[Traded Alvina’s Covenant Ring to Signy]
Malcen: Like I said, Merry Christmas.

Holiday Grind

Signy: Have you heard of that rare Christmas Eve drop?
Malcen: You mean the one that has a 0.01% drop rate? Yeah, what about it?
Signy: I heard it’s a good item for archers.
Malcen: Don’t you mean it’s a good item for you?
Signy: As if I could get it. I don’t have much time to play on Christmas Eve anyway. Spending Christmas in my grandparent’s house.
Malcen: I see. It’s at high level dungeon that just opened lately, right?
Signy: Yeah, the one with the high leveled hunters. Why?
CaesarMagnus: Hey you two stop talking! The raid is starting.
Malcen: Nothing.


Merlorn21: Dude, why don’t you just buy the item from the auction house? I saw one or two on sale.
Malcen: Yeah, for all of my gold plus all my rare item’s gold worth.
Merlorn21: See? So why do you have to spend so much time killing mobs when you can easily get it by just selling and buying?
Malcen: I want the experience, okay? It’s a high level dungeon. Just the right level for me.
Merlorn21: Liar
Malcen: What?
Merlorn21: I know when you’re lying man, even in here.
Malcen: …
Merlorn21: But who cares? You need a healer. I don’t have much to do anyway. Let’s grind.


Malcen: What’s the time window for the drop again?
Merlorn21: Until midnight.
Malcen: Good, it’s just nine PM.
Merlorn21: Midnight server time. We’re two hours behind.
Malcen: …. You serious?
Merlorn21: Yeah.
Malcen: Buff me with your strongest buffs asap then. We don’t have time to lose.

Merlorn21: We only have 10 minutes left man. Don’t you think we’ve tried enough to get that item? It’s just not happening.
Malcen: No! If you want to go, you can go. I’m staying. I have potions leftover from the previous raid anyway.
Merlorn21: And what, let you get all the XP? I’m staying with you.
Malcen: Then let’s do this!


Merlorn21: It wasn’t meant to be man.
Malcen: If I had gotten here earlier, it would have increased my chances to get it.
Merlorn21: But the fact is you didn’t now did you? You said so yourself, you had all these chores and whatnot.
Malcen: And it doesn’t help that we’re two hours late in terms of time… Dammit.
Merlorn21: Everything happens for a reason, bro. You just need to accept it.
Malcen: Yeah… Maybe next Christmas Eve… I’ll have to get stronger by then.
Merlorn21: …….
Malcen: What?
Merlorn21: Fine, fine. I  give up. Hold on a bit.
[Merlorn21 has requested to trade with you]
[Alvina’s Covenant Ring acquired through trade]
Malcen: …. Where did you get this?
Merlorn21: I read somewhere that if you kill one of the hunters ten seconds before the clock strikes 12, the odds of getting the item increases to 45%. Your charge attack wouldn’t reach him in time, so I shot a holy bolt at him. It finished him off just in time for the increase in drop rate. Kill went to me, so I got the item.
Malcen: And you didn’t think to tell me?
Merlorn21: What, you think it was going to be that easy? That I would just hand over the item to you? I wouldn’t have given it to you if you gave up immediately.
Malcen: And what would you have done with it if I gave up?
Merlorn21: Sell it to you for double the market price.
Malcen: You can be cruel at times, you know that?
Merlorn21: That I am.
Malcen: Merry Christmas Merl.
Merlorn21: Merry Christmas Malc.

//And a merry Christmas to you guys as well! I just wanted to write a little something for the holidays. Hope you guys like it!


Going out of his classroom, John checked his phone for messages. He had sent a message to most of his friends before class, asking if they wanted to hang out that evening. All he got was the generic “I’m busy, sorry” message he kept getting the past few times he asked his friends to hang out. Sighing dejectedly, he plugged in his earphones and started listening to his playlist of battle music from games and movies. He thought that it could make up for the boring life that he had.

Walking out of the building, he noticed the “school cat” sleeping a few meters away. Deciding he had nothing better to do, he started walking towards it. Reaching the cat’s location, John realized that he wasn’t the only one who thought of approaching the cat, as he saw a girl kneel down by the cat just as he reached it. Stroking the cat’s head, the girl looked like she was enjoying herself. Not knowing what to do with the seemingly awkward situation, and not wanting to waste him walking there, he asked her:

“Do you like that cat?”

His question, however, was met with silence. She just kept stroking the cat oblivious to her surroundings. John just stared at the two, wondering if she was deaf or just plain oblivious to what was happening. After waiting for a while, John started to feel that he was an unwelcome guest in the area, and was just about to go when he heard a soft voice ask:

“What do you see on the wall?”

Turning around, he saw the girl staring at the wall of the school building, still stroking the cat with her left hand. Not knowing what was going on, he just stared at the two with a confused look. She asked again:

“What do you see on the wall?

She turned to look at him this time, waiting for an answer. Not wanting to be rude, he stared at the wall. The building was already quite old, so the paint was peeling in some places, not to mention the discoloration from the acid rain that has been rampant, smearing the white wall gray in some areas.

“I see peeling paint, the concrete behind that, and the dirt smudges.”
“I see a kingdom.”

Surprised, John turned to face the girl. He thought that she was joking him, but her face showed only seriousness.

“A kingdom? How do you see that in this plain, old, and boring wall?”
“I look intently. That’s the tower over there, and that’s the gate. There’s the moat, and the town surrounding it.”

Emphasizing each part with her finger, John looked at each point she was pointing at. He could barely make it out, but he could see the resemblance.

“I see. If that’s the kingdom, then does that mean that that’s the enemies of the kingdom over there?”

Taken aback by the curiosity in her voice, John started to look at the wall more intently. He was only saying it as a joking question, but being put in the spotlight made him look for fear of being embarrassed. Looking for anything that resembles an army or a monster, John kept looking until he found something.

“Over there, by the tall bush.”
“That round thing over there?”
“Yeah. And that sharp thing over there is its horns, and the bushy things under it, its minions.”

John expected the girl to be laughing at him. He was wrong. She was looking at the spot intently, as if writing the whole picture into memory. Her look of curiosity was replaced by sadness though, as she looked at the enemies.

“The kingdom doesn’t have an army to protect it.”

He looked at the wall again, and saw that she was correct. There was no smudge, peels, or holes between the army and the kingdom that could serve as the the army. He looked at her sad face, and felt that he should do something about it. He had an idea.

Touching the ground and the soil with his finger, John started making the clean wall dirty.

“What are you doing?”
“I’m making the army.”

He kept dirtying it up, until the smudge was enough to rival the enemy’s army. Feeling content with himself, John clapped his hands together to get rid of the excess dirt, and he sat down near the cat. Stroking its head, John asked the girl.

“Will the army be able to protect the kingdom?”
“No, it won’t be enough.”

John almost jumped up from what she said, and was about to protest when she herself dipped her fingers in the dirt, and drew two thick lines in front of the army.

“Two soldiers? What are two soldiers going to do to help?”
“Not soldiers. Gods. Those who helped create this world. Come down to help the army.”

John was confused at what she said. Trying to decipher what she said, the girl stood up, patted the cat one last time, and said good-bye. John was still staring at the wall when he realized that she left, without even saying good-bye to her. He stood up, sad from missing the chance to introduce himself to her. But as he himself walked away from the wall, what she said sunk in on him.

Looking back at the wall, he smiled.

“I should go to that wall more often.”


Keep calm. Relax. You can do this.

“Dude, are you sure this is a good idea?”
“No, but it’s worth a shot.”
“Something bad might happen.”
“Or something good. You should be more positive”

Pull back gently. Must keep moving.

“A broken arm, wounds on his back, along with some bruises. The arm will take a while to heal, but everything else should be okay.”
“Thank you doctor.”
“What do you think you were trying to do, young man?! Do you think we would be impressed with what you did?”
“… No…”

Keep it balanced. Don’t pull to hard. Balance is key.

“Dude, your arm just healed. Shouldn’t you rest a bit more?”
“Resting can wait. This can’t.”
“You failed horribly last time you did this. Haven’t you had enough?
“No. I have to do this.”

Do something stupid once, you’re stupid.

“Why weren’t you wearing a helmet? You could have died you know?”
“But I didn’t, and that’s what counts.”
“Still. What would you have done if you had been injured more?”
“Heal then try again.”

Do something stupid again…

“Hey, uhm… I want to show you something. Would you mind meeting me at the park?”
“Sure, why not.”

… you’re just trying to impress some girl.

Breakfast for One

Thanks to my trained body clock, I woke up at 4 A.M. like I always do. Not thanks to my trained body clock, I woke up that early on a Saturday morning. Looking down, I saw my wife still sleeping. I smiled while I stroked her hair. Quietly and gently, I stood up from the bed and walked over to the crib near our bed. I look at the baby in it, and I feel the happiness swell up inside me again. Our baby daughter looked peaceful, her small movements were cute as she slept. I left the room, careful to close the door quietly behind me so as not to wake up the two of them. I walked down the hall to the other bedroom, where my son and daughter were sharing a room. Stepping inside, I looked at my children. Xavier, the eldest, was sleeping on the top bunk, my PSP still in his hands. Elizabeth, or Ellie as I call her, was below him, hugging the slime plushie my wife and I bought for her birthday. Looking at them gave me an idea. I’m awake anyway, it’s a Saturday, and everyone is still asleep. Why not cook up a special breakfast for everyone?

I go to the kitchen and grab my apron. As I put it on, I was contemplating what to cook from what we had. Checking the pantry inventory, I decided on pancakes, bacon, and scrambled eggs. Typical special breakfast. I bring out all of the ingredients that I needed and placed them on the counter. Checking the ingredients that were spread out, I suddenly remembered that Xavier had won a small gaming contest during the fair in their school. He learned from the best after all. I decided to make him something special, so I walked back to the pantry…

The number you have dialed is currently not available.

… and grabbed the cooking oil I had forgotten. Seriously, I was going to make fried food, how could I forget the oil? Satisfied and sure that I had gotten all that I had needed, I started cooking. Preparing the batter for the pancakes, I remembered how Ellie loved it when her pancakes were in various shapes. I had brought some metallic molds just for her, so I opened the cupboard near the stove…

Please try your call later.

.. and took out the other spatula. Seriously, I should replace some of the stuff here in the kitchen. They’re getting harder to use. Finishing up the pancakes, I started work on the bacon. Separating the strips from each other, I placed them inside the pan and started frying them. After cooking up a large enough batch for me and my wife, I took them out of the pan and placed them nicely on the serving plate. That was when I heard the loud crying of our baby. She was most probably hungry at this time. Since it was a Saturday, it was my turn to prepare the milk. I thought that she wouldn’t wake up until a bit later, so I didn’t bring out the milk powder. I ran to the pantry..

I’m sorry.

… and grabbed the sugar. Thank goodness I remembered that I didn’t mix in sugar with the eggs before pouring it into the pan. Placing a tablespoon of sugar into the mix, I poured the completed mixture and mixed it around the pan. Once it had solidified a bit, I took it out of the fire and immediately transferred it onto the serving plate. Having finished all of the cooking, only the drinks was left. I remembered the juice that my mother-in-law gave us to help my wife with her health. Opening the fridge…

But this won’t work out.

… I grabbed the ice cold beer I had been chilling since last night. I grabbed my plate of breakfast, and walked to the small table at the corner of the room. I brought out my PSP, and started playing, every now and then shoving a spoonful of food in my mouth or taking a sip of beer. Finishing my food and the game, I set the PSP down and looked around my small apartment. Cold, unwelcoming, lonely, and dark.

I look at the ceiling, and after a while I felt tears going down the side of my head. Along with it were questions.
Why did I do that?
Why didn’t I do anything about it?
Why did I wait until it was too late to try to do anything?
Why didn’t I change?

I place my head on the table, cradled in my arms.

Typical Saturday morning.


After almost a year of not posting anything onto this blog, I’m back.

I haven’t been writing, mostly because I don’t know *what* to write about. But I guess now is a good time to write again.

You see, as anybody might tell you, writing isn’t just about making the world inside your head become a reality of sorts. There are times when you write to get rid of the pain. There are times when you write because it’s the only thing you think you can do. There are times when yo write simply because you want to write. I’m more of the pain writer, but that’s besides the point.

Anyway, I will be writing again the the next few weeks or so. Look forward to it.